Friday night I received a phone call from my mom. She was so hysterical, "Lysa, Gage has a brain tumor." The words hit me like a bolt of lightning. I hung up and tried to call my sister. My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't dial the number. I kept saying to myself "calm down Lysa..your sister needs you." See the night before was Thanksgiving. We were all at my moms and I knew that Gage hadn't been feeling well. I looked over at him, rubbed the back of his head just to say "I love you buddy" when a thought came to me. It was more like a paragraph really, but it was clear. It said to me "Gage has a brain tumor, your sister needs you, she has been prepared for this." After the thought, I quickly pushed it aside! How could I think such a horrible thing? So I ignored it. Forgot about it. Now back to the dialing...I finally got through. She didn't answer. I started to pace my house. I had all of Scott's family over. We were getting ready to leave to the Polar Express. I looked at Kathryn who has a gift of keeping me calm. She stared at me right in the eyes and said something to me. I don't recall what it was but her look made me focus. Then my phone rang. It was my sister. I went outside to have privacy. I didn't want to scare my kids. She was hysterical. I was at a loss of what to say to her. I just kept thinking "be strong Lysa, she needs you." so I kept trying to reassure her. She repeated over and over clearly in shock "My special little boy has a brain tumor, my baby boy has a brain tumor." I could hear Troy in the background wailing. "Why??" "Why??" I hung up the phone. Ran inside. Kathryn followed me up to my room where I was trying to find my shoes but I just kept walking in circles. She said to me "Lysa, I have everything under control here, your kids are fine, Go be with your sister." I don't remember if I responded. I got in my car and happened to run into Cam and Erin at the light. I was so grateful bc I just stayed behind them. Keeping my eye on their van. I knew all I needed to do was watch the van and I would arrive there.
When I finally arrived in the room where Gage, Gretchen and Troy were I could see that Gage had no idea what was happening. He was happy as can be. Loving all the attention. Gretchen mouthed the words to me "he doesn't know anything." So I smiled and talked to Gage asking him all about his cool IV and his awesome hospital visit. Soon Troy's dad John walked in the room. Troys dad has been fighting cancer since July. When Troy saw him he got teary eyed. I looked at Gretchen and she mouthed "Get Troy out of here." She didn't want Gage to see anyone upset. I took Troy across the hall where we embraced and both cried hysterically. About a minute later Erin came in the room. The three of us held on to each other. Trying to comfort Troy and cried. Then Troy's brother Trevor came in. Then his brother Ryan. Then Zach and Dasa..One after another people poured into the hospital to support them and love them.
At this point, Cameron, Zach, my dad, Trevor, Ryan, and John all went into the room where Gage was and gave him a blessing while Troy held him on his lap and I held my sister. It was an amazing blessing. A calling on of God to heal this little boy. To give him a long healthy life. A blessing of comfort, of strength, of peace. It was powerful and beautiful.
Only 4 were technically allowed in the room at a time so we had to clear out into the waiting room and wait. Wait for the surgeon to come and give us more info. Many tears were being shed. Many hugs, but mostly just feelings of shock. My heart was breaking for my sister and Troy. I was trying so hard to imagine how they felt. I could only "imagine" though. And that was frustrating to me. I wanted to know so that I knew how to help. I hated feeling so helpless. I hated not knowing what to say. It was all so surreal. I know I made phone calls. I know I texted people. I know I spoke using words but I don't remember anything I said. I felt like I just needed to wake up. And if I felt that way..how horrible must Gretchen and Troy feel..Their special little 3 year old angel had a brain tumor.
Soon Matt Alba, Gretchen and Troy's friend, came into the waiting room. He had been in the room when the surgeon came in. The news was good. That his tumor was located in the lower left part of the brain. That as far as brain tumors go, that was the place to have one. That she didn't know if it was cancerous but that we are not going to think about that yet. That it is hopeful. Best case scenario, we will have surgery in the morning, remove the tumor, it will be benign and Gage will be back home in a week. We felt a light of relief.
That night was a sleepless one. I kept repeating in my mind over and over again "Gage has a brain tumor." It was a frightening thought and in the dark quiet night, it seemed to be screaming at me. So at 6:00 am I finally just got up and went back to the hospital. So glad that I did bc when I arrived the surgeons were in the room explaining things to Troy and Gretch who were alone there. I only heard the end of the conversation when the Dr. asked if they had any questions..Gretchen said "only one..do you have any children??" He replied "yes, I have 5 at home." and she said through tears "please take care of him like your own." We all cried. They came in 25 minutes later ready to take him to surgery. I was able to watch and observe Gretchen and Troy as they said goodbye to their little guy and fill him with many hugs and kisses. Repeating over and over to him how much they loved him. And then he was gone. They fell apart once again holding on to each other in disbelief and fear.
The day went by slowly. The nurse in the O.R. kept them updated on their cell phones every hour and a half . Each update brought more tears. Even if they were positive. Several hours later he was out of surgery with the update that things went well. They were to be aware that he might have some issues with his speech and that he would be extremely irritable. More than anything they had ever seen bc of the place in his brain they had to touch. That both are a common side affect. That they could last anywhere from two days to two months. So Gretchen was scared. Relieved but afraid of what she might have to face. We were all grateful that she has taught Gage Sign language so he could communicate with her. Hours and Hours went by. They ran tests while he slept and became concerned that he wasn't having any movement in his left arm. They needed to go back in to do a C-scan and check for blood clots and/or fluid in his brain. That if those things were present they would have to go back in and drain them. They were becoming concerned that he wouldn't wake up. When they went in for the C-scan he woke a little bit. MIRACLE. and the Dr.s said to him "Gage, you did such a good job with your scan!" To which he replied "NO I DIDN'T DO A GOOD SCAN!" So angry he was..but completely speaking clearly. MIRACLE. again. Then back in the room where he was fast asleep again for hours..He woke up a second time and with his left arm, scratched his head and said hi to his mom and dad. MIRACLE. again. And back to sleep he went.
Today he had another MRI to see if they got all of the tumor. They got all but a sliver and the reason they left that is bc it was so close to the brain stem, it was dangerous to remove. The Surgeon said they are calling it 99.9% gone bc it is such a small piece. The surgeon was very pleased. Said that she thinks it was benign bc of the way it looked but we will confirm that on Wednesday.
About an hour later Gage woke up and said "dad, can I have my slushy now?" See before the surgery, Troy had promised Gage a big slushy when he woke up. He remembered.
Then he woke up again and ate some crackers, drank some gatorade and fell back to sleep after interacting with his mom and dad in a totally calm manner.
We will watch him recover. We will continue to pray. Both for his health but also with so much gratitude.
We don't know for sure, but we think so far that we are getting that "best case scenario" and that our little Gagey will be back home partying with all of his toys and celebrating life very soon. As we all watch him and celebrate with gratitude in our hearts, HIS life.
