Our Events Part 3 {scroll down and read "Gage part 2" first. It will make more sense that way.}

Gage came home from the hospital and was recovering nicely. He was suffering from a side effect called "Cerebellar Mutism" which consists of loss of speech, motor skills and balance. He began to attend Physical Therapy twice a week and soon these side effects became less and less. He still loses his balance and has a hard time with some motor skills, but we are confident this will all return to its full capacity.

In the mean time we were busy planning our Run N Roll day. Eight of Gretchen and Troy's friends got on board, my friend Jamie, Cam & Erin, and myself. We began to refer to ourselves as "Team Gage." We spent our days finding sponsors, making phone calls, sending emails, planning meetings, and running around the city.  But these are just "details" what was really happening was Magic.

It seemed like every single day one of us from Team Gage would receive another phone call, message, or email about someone else that heard Gage's story and wanted to help, to donate, to be a part of, to give a hug to,  to show their love, to cry with us, to reach out, to care.
We began to hear stories from complete strangers about how their son is going through leukemia and they want to help..or someone else knew someone that was suffering from cancer..or someone else whose husband had to have a bone marrow transplant, or someone's grand daughter who was born one pound..And every single one of them had had a lot of help from other people and they wanted to "pay it forward."  People's stories, peoples struggles. And and this is where it all became clear. It began to make sense..These people..These complete Strangers...These friends..They were the ones saving US. .  They taught us what matters. They showed us what charity is. They proved to us that  human nature is good. They Changed us. Forever..They taught us that We were all the same. We need each other and
We became connected.
Connected to something bigger out there.
Connected to what matters.
Connected to Reality.
Connected to each other.
We may never see some of these people again..but we will always be connected. We will always love each other. We will always watch out for each other. And we will be more aware because of them.

Our day finally came.  Team Gage was tired, but we were ready..
We started out the day at 6:15 am setting up Murray Park for our Save the Day 5k. We had banners, sponsors,  T-shirts, cookies from Haagermans Bakery, strawberries, apples, and clif bars from Whole Foods, water bottles from Fiji water, energy drinks from H2Ooverdrive, coffee, hot chocolate, tables, chairs, a D.J., cones, caution tape, runners bags, megaphones, microphones, flags, posters, our course mapped out,  everything you can think of..we had it ready to go.
And then the firemen. Gage's firemen..OUR firemen..With their truck, ladder up with American flag waving proudly set as our backdrop to our Start line.

Then they began to arrive..by the ones, the tens, then the hundreds...
The energy and excitement was so thick you could almost taste it. The spirit that was unlike anything I have ever experienced.

And I stood there..
I looked around in AWE. I teared up at the most beautiful, amazing sight I had ever seen. All of those people were there for the same reason. They had felt it too..They KNEW we were all connected..That because of Gage, but also something much bigger, we had all been changed.

Gage led us in the "MARK, GET SET, GO!" and they were off..many high-fived Gage as they ran by him, loving him and thanking him for allowing them to be part of something so great.
We partied, we danced, we gave prizes, we had raffle winners, we laughed, we cried some more, and we CELEBRATED. Celebrated Gage and all that is good in this world.

Then we packed up, left our amazing 5k and continued on to Bonwood Bowl where we would set up for our Silent Auction and a great day of bowling. We had 81 companies that had donated to us..Items consisted anywhere from gift cards to resturants, to week long vacations. We had snowboards, spa treatments, baby items, children's bikes, electric guitars, wall art, makeup, guided river trips, guided hunting trips, wine baskets, children's baskets, anything and everything that you could think of..And it was a complete success!! Every item was bid on, every item was sold.
Every lane in the bowling alley was taken. It was a full house.

The spirit continued on there..At one point I saw my uncle Scott in the cafe where the auction items were set up and he said to me, "the energy here is unbelievable..this is an amazing sight..and then tears streamed down his face, as he said to me, I have never seen anything like this."
He felt it too.

Then in walked Dr. Walker. Gage's surgeon. We were so happy to see him. I asked him If I could embarrass him, to which he replied with a humble voice "no." To which I replied back, "well I'm sorry Dr. Walker, but we just have to."  I took him by the arm and he hesitantly followed..Cameron hushed the bowling alley and we honored that man. For giving Gage his life. For giving US our Gage.  Everyone cheered, people got goosebumps, and their were more tears shed.

The whole day was surreal. It felt like a dream. It was unreal. It was the most amazing thing I have ever had the honor of being a part of.  I will never forget it. I will never forget how hard Team Gage worked, I will never forget how many people reached out. I will never forget the connection we all felt. And I will be changed forever because of it. When I look back on that night talking to my friend Jamie, the helpless feeling that I had, to what it had become,  never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined it. Never would I have thought that I would be a part of something so incredible.
And once again I prayed and Thanked Heavenly Father for giving us this miracle.

GAGE part 2.

It was Valentines Day 2012. Gage was scheduled to get his 3 month scan to make sure he was in the clear and his tumor had not returned. Although, we were all a little bit nervous, we were mostly confident that this visit would be good news. I was at Old Navy looking for little Valentine gifts for my kids for our annual candlelight dinner that night when I got the call. It was Gretchen. I answered and what I heard on the other end stopped me in my tracks. Through a voice I could barely understand bc she was crying so hard the words "Gage's brain tumor is back and its growing toward the brain stem. They have to go back in for surgery." I was once again at a loss for words. That all too familiar helpless feeling hit me again like a ton of bricks. All I could say was "I'm so so sorry." Needless to say, our Valentine festivities were sullen. We were quiet with our minds racing of what may be this time. Questions like 'what does this mean? will it be cancerous this time? will Gage be okay? What if...." the unthinkable.

A few weeks passed and we all tried to go about "normal" life with pits in our stomach waiting for surgery day. A few days before Gage's surgery would take, my boys tutor, named Jamie Cheney, was at our house. I was telling her the story and expressing my thoughts on how helpless I felt. I didn't know what to do. Jamie started to tell me about a 5k she had done for her neighbor that needed help with medical bills.. And a LIGHT went off in my mind, a feeling came over me, YES! I CAN DO THAT!! I CAN HELP RAISE MONEY! Suddenly, I didn't feel so helpless, and THAT gave me a purpose! I know how to do a 5k! I have run them before! It won't be that hard!! What could really go into it! We just plan and people will come! I wish I could take credit for such a genius idea, but it wasn't mine. However, I thank God for Jamie every day for planting that seed.  I got on the phone that night and told Gretchen "I'm going to do a 5k for you!! Maybe we can make some money to help with the growing medical bills, it won't be much, but anything helps right?!!" Through tears, all she could say was "thank you." Then I called Cameron, he said "Let's do a Bowl-A-Thon also! We can use the facility for free and all proceeds can go to Gage!" Then I called Gretchen's friend Brooke Amidei..she excitedly was on board and said "I will be in charge of the Silent Auction and help get sponsors!" ...this is where I got a little nervous...
So within a 48 hour time period, our little 5k had turned into something much bigger than I could have dreamed.
We quickly put together a Facebook page, created a blog, got our run advertised on 'Utahrunners.com and braced ourselves for a long day of surgery.
 
SURGERY DAY:
Gretchen, Troy, Gage and I arrived at Primary Children's Medical Center at 6:15 a.m. on February 29, 2012.  Gage was in pretty good spirits, Gretchen and Troy were trying to be so brave for him. We waited in waiting room after waiting room as the Doctors and surgeons got prepared for what would end up being a grueling 12 hour surgery. This time was different. We knew what to expect PERSAY...but it was brain surgery. Gage was only 4 years old. We were still so afraid. I tried to stay in the background and let those three have their time together. I knew what was in both of their minds..I knew the unthinkable was being thought..and I knew that the unthinkable could be a reality. The thought was unbearable. We forced ourselves to go on faith. To be positive and try to be strong. We smiled at Gage, reassured him and let him know that "every little thing was going to be alright."
Then the time came for Gage to be taken in. I watched and took photos of Gretchen and Troy saying 'goodbye' to their brave little superhero. "Goodbye sweet angel, we will be here waiting for you when you wake up..we love you, be brave buddy!"

Shortly thereafter, mom and dad arrived, John and Diane arrived, {Troy's parents} then Zach, Cameron, Ryan, Trevor and of course Matt Alba.. Who is their friend that is always first on the scene. We waited..tried to keep ourselves busy. The nurse in the Operating room would call every hour with an update, as we received updates, we would update the cyber world. And within hours, we had hundreds of followers praying for our little Gage, hitting "refresh" on their computers and waiting for any kind of news. A 4 year old beautiful boy had already won over the hearts of so many.
We immediately felt the love, the prayers, the thoughts, the support. We cried at each new comment and every new "like." We were shocked at how many people were caring about our Gage.

After 8 hours Doctor Walker called and said "I'm going to close him up, take him in for an MRI and depending on what I see, we will either go back in or be done." Well, the tumor was still there. He had to go back in. This was Gage's 2nd MRI for the day thus far. We paced the hallways, tried to laugh, had running races down the hallways of the hospital, tried to keep our minds busy. Hours passed. We were impatiently being patient. At this point, it was me, Gretch, Troy, John, Diane, and mom and dad that were there.
There was a big snowstorm happening outside. It seemed fitting.
Then Dr. Walker called again..same thing.."I'm closing him up and taking him in for another MRI. If the tumor is gone, we will be done..if it's not, we will go back in." It was now around 5:30 p.m. We waited. And we waited some more. Finally after about an hour and half, Gretchen received the call...we stood around her as she fell into tears and exclaimed "IT'S GONE???!! IT'S GONE!!!" Tears of joy were shed, relief felt was an understatement. We embraced and cried and cried some more. I took photos for our loved ones so that they could share in this joy with us. We walked down the hallway to the ICU and waited for our Gage. It was here that I finally, personally fell apart. I couldn't stop crying. I could not get a grip. The anxiety, the fear, the emotion, the exhaustion, the 'trying to be strong for them' all came undone for me. And I prayed to Heavenly Father in my mind and Thanked him over and over again for giving us this miracle.

Part 3 "Our events"

Erin

I've been thinking about Erin.

I have a board on pinterest dedicated only to Erin. I see things that make me think of her and I have to pin them to my "Erin board."

Erin is the girl that will have your back no matter what, but when you fall down in front of a crowd and completely humiliate yourself, she is the first to point her finger at you while laughing uncontrollably. She would never throw you under the bus, but she would laugh at you for being put there.

So when I saw this pin, I naturally thought first of Erin.

Erin is quiet. She is peaceful. She is calm. And with that you would think she was little Miss. Innocent. But you see, that's not the case.. Erin isn't what I would call a demon..demon's are evil. Erin is not evil in the slightest. But she does have a monster in her. It's a smiley monster, but still a monster nonetheless. And if she were a monster instead of a human, she would look a little like this..
who me???...never...evil giggle sets in..
Then there are just those pins that remind me of her. That make no sense to anyone else. But she gets it.


Erin is probably the slowest person in the world. When you are supposed to be somewhere at noon. Erin thinks that means she should just leave her house at noon. She doesn't understand what the hurry is?? Why is everyone in such a hurry to hurry up and get somewhere and hurry up and get it going? Why hurry life? Which is admirable..in a way..unless you are the one waiting..again..for Erin..
Erin has many fears in life. One of them being birds. She affectionately refers to them as 'rats with wings.' She is scared to death of them. And they know it..they love to taunt her. Tease her. They have it out for her. And it is....hilarious. One time while Erin was at Wheeler farm the ducks and geese conspired against her. They all ganged up on her and ran her down. She ran in circles trying to get rid of them but they were not about to let her out of their sight. They chased her 8 month pregnant belly with a toddler in one arm and a picnic bag in the other all the way to her car while she laugh/cried/screaming the whole way there.......yes. It is hysterical. I will give you a moment to visualize...
Erin also hates cats. She thinks they are evil. I love cats and have always had one up until about a year ago. But my cats have always known Erin was afraid. And like the birds, they like to taunt her. They like to show her this face. {see below} Now a cat lover would know that when a cat does this face, they're probably just showing off. Or pretending they're tough. Or wanting to play. But Erin thought this meant they wanted to eat her....I liked to make her think that was true.
Erin and I have had many sleepovers throughout the years. Either at hotel rooms on girls nights, or on vacations, or just for fun if our husbands are gone. One night there was a shadow in my window that Erin thought looked like an evil praying mantis. Anyway, we got ourselves so freaked out, we pulled the covers over our heads and giggled like little school girls with nervous tummies.. And the more we talked about it, the more we were convinced that this praying mantis was a murderer. This is just one occasion where I have been with Erin and she has convinced me that someone is out to kill us. However, we are always laughing so hard with our nervous thoughts that even if the praying mantis did come alive, and come at us with a sharp knife, He would probably stop and tilt his head in a confused motion at the sight of us jumping up and down on the bed laughing and screaming with tears in our eyes and pee running down Erin's leg.

Erin is a Harry Potter nerd. She knows she's a nerd. She likes to be a nerd. She dresses up for the Harry Potter premiers and paints a lightening bolt on her forehead. She looks totally legit. Anyone would think she was straight out of Hogwarts..

She loves to read. The first time I went on vacation with Erin, we went to Lake Powell. She brought a book with her. We never saw her.

So as you can see, Erin is extremely childlike. A free spirit if you will. There isn't many people that bring out your inner 13 year old when you are with them. I love this about her. When I saw this picture of the girl dancing in the rain, of course I thought of Erin. She loves to celebrate, enjoy, be a part of, embrace, love, encircle, and hold tight all that is good and fun and smart and joyful.

On a more serious note, one time in church the teacher asked us to put on one side of a piece of paper times or people who have shown us acts of service. To write down when someone has been kind to you or shown you charity. On the other side of the paper we were to write when we had shown others service or charity. As I sat there thinking about this..who had done acts of service for me,..Erin's name came to my mind time and time again. She has been there over and over and over for me. So of course this last sign Erin, is what I say to you.

Balance.

I was thinking about Scott today.

He is so nice. He couldn't hurt a fly.

He is mellow. So much so that sometimes I wonder if he is alive.

He is simple. He doesn't need much. I appreciate that.

He is quiet. In his head a lot with his thoughts.

He is peaceful. He doesn't like chaos, a lot of people, busy conversation. He likes things quiet.

He is childlike. Almost innocent. And sometimes naive.

He is thoughtful. He is aware of me. He is aware of our kids.

He is generous. He will give anyone whatever he has. It's "just money" It's "just stuff."

He is grateful. He appreciates what he has.

He loves nature. He appreciates Beauty. He notices the miracle of a sunset or a snowstorm.

He is playful. He will take any chance he can to go play with the kids. He likes things like Disneyland, lagoon, skate parks, bike rides, hikes, ice cream, candy, snowcones, he IS one of the kids. I'm grateful for this. {most of the time} :)

I know what you're thinking..Two things..

1. Wow, why is Lysa being so nice?

2. So why did he marry Lysa?

You see, I needed his mellow. And he needed my fire. Because life is all about balance.

something

There's something about this look...

And then there's something about THIS look..

mmmmm hmmm. oh yeah..oooo baby.

2011

A lot can be said for 2011. When big things happen, hard things, its difficult to look back and remember the good times. We tend to focus on the bad. Maybe bc the bad things seem to cause such an impact they become harder to forget. The good things tend to be taken for granted.

CooCoo had her share of health problems this past year. At one point we even wondered if we were going to have to put her in a home. I got a taste of what that is like to care for a parent who can no longer care for themselves. My conclusion was, I'm not ready. She is too young and my children are too young. I'm not ready for that time in life. Thankfully we have been able to find solutions to her health problems and she is almost back to our same old CooCoo bird.

Grandpa went through radiation for some cancer this past year. And although that could have been much scarier, again we are so grateful that he is now cancer free and back to his same old self.

Gage had a brain tumor. I have nothing more to say about that except for we are grateful every single day for the outcome that we have been blessed with.

There have been financial struggles, health struggles, and normal everyday stress. Life has been happening.

On the flipside, we have welcomed two new lives into our family this year. Baby Pars and Baby Gracie. Both births came with a clean bill of health for mom and baby.

We have celebrated birthdays, holidays, played sports, gone on a vacation, had family stay with us, Cameron ran his first half marathon, we have been blessed with work/jobs, made new friends, become closer to old friends, we have partied, laughed, cried, hugged, prayed, and through it all, relied on each other. We have learned important life lessons, strengthened each other, learned a little more about what its like to be charitable, have empathy, reached new heights of self awareness, physical strength, mental strength, and love.

So through it all, I can only look back with one word in mind..Gratitude.